Apathy

I get many comments like "You're so chill. Nothing ever bothers you." I'm known for being mellow and apathetic. Its not to say that I can see African children starving and dying without feeling bad for them, but I tend not to care about the small stuff. I don't care too much for vengeance or getting back at someone. One of my most recent displays of apathy is how I thought The Things They Carried was pretty boring. This made a friend of mine mad, because she thought it was such a sad and emotion-filled novel. She thought I was being heartless by saying it did nothing for me. I tried to think of a part that made me think and feel, but all I remember is that it was boring and I read it trudgingly.

Through the lens of an older generation, I would be a little down upon because they would think I should have something to care about. Not to say that I am selfish or anything, but they would think that I should care about the well-being of others sometimes. The truth is, however, that I do not really care much for anything, including myself. Some people like to raise themselves above others, or get back at someone for something. I let things like that slide. My apathy could be viewed negatively by an older generation, but it may have its good sides too. It's a pretty neutral thing I carry.

Sarcasm

If I say "good job," there is about a 50% chance that you actually didn't do a good job. In fact, you probably did a bad job. Sarcasm is one of my defining attributes, and I carry it with me all the time. I'm especially sarcastic with my family, although my parents have a hard time telling the difference between my sarcastic tone and my normal one. I think it's a teenager's thing to be sarcastic all the time, and that's why my parents don't understand it. It's also because I speak to them in English, which they only understand literally. Once my dad asked if I failed any classes last quarter. Knowing that it's almost impossible for me to "fail" any classes since school is important to me, I sarcastically replied, "Oh yeah. I failed a bunch. Sorry!" At that point, I realized he was getting angry and actually believed that I failed my classes, so I cleared up the misunderstanding and explained that I was "kidding" and I was "being sarcastic." He wasn't satisfied until I showed him my report card, though. Remind me not to do that again.

From an older person's perspective, sarcasm would be a sign of rudeness. Older people tend to take things more literally, so they are offending when someone is joking, even if they are only being sarcastic. For people my age, this manner of speaking is quite normal. In fact, a teenager with absolutely no sarcasm is hard to find. It's just a part of our culture.

My sharp, edgy emo-boy hair

Since I was little, I always liked to have short hair. When my hair got too long, I would even cut it myself sometimes. Very badly, of course. But even up until now, my hair has never grown past my shoulders. I always just got it cut somewhat shorter. However, in sophomore year, I decided to have my hair cut in an "emo" style. I always thought this style was creative, and I wanted it for myself. I asked for a "razor cut," brought a picture, and got a new hairdo. All my friends liked it, but more than that, I was especially pleased with it. I've had it cut the same way ever since, with some small differences. It's probably one of the things I actually like about myself.

If Freud looked at my hair, he would think I was copying a boy. He would declare that I am one of the girls that are envious of males, so they try to act like them. It's not so much that I'm copying a boy as much as the fact that my hair stays short and kept nice, unlike before. It wasn't until recently that boys started to grow their hair longer with sharp bangs. I've always wanted my hair mid-length, not too short, but not past my shoulders either. My hair is the main reason I get mistaken for a boy, though. Half of all strangers, people who do not know me, assume I'm a boy. It actually amuses me, so I don't mind so much. Again, it is the hairstyles that boys wear today that are similar to mine, not the other way around.

Wristbands...and other stuff on my wrist.

I feel naked without something on my wrists. I need some kind of wristwear...if that's a word. I used to have a watch, which was quite useful and kept my right wrist covered. But then it started to scratch up my wrist, since it was made of valcro. Plus, I got my cellphone now so I don't really need it, even though a watch is more convenient for checking time. I also have a bunch of colored wristbands that are usually for a cause. I have a yellow, purple, green, and blue one. I don't really wear them anymore because I have my checkered one, which I absolutely adore. I love black and white designs. There's something about the juxtaposition of white and black that I find intriguing. I have other bracelets too, including a white one from Fire Island, a beaded one that my sister made, and a magnetic one that is supposed to have a calming effect, but it's too heavy for me to wear. In addition to all those, I also have many bangles from Pakistan. I don't like them very much because even though they're pretty and colorful, they're very uncomfortable and hard to put on.

A Freudian lens may show that I am insecure about myself. I need some kind of security blanket so that I feel safe. My wristbands may be interpreted as this "security blanket." I do agree that I feel naked without something on my wrist, but I don't think I'm really insecure about my wrists or anything. It's just that when I look down, I want to see the distinction between my hand and my arm, in a sense. If all my wristbands and bracelets were put in one box and someone found them, they would think that I loved bright colors and had a bright outlook. However, this may be a misenterpretation because I don't care much for colors, just for something on my wrist.

Skinny Jeans

I remember a time when I hated skinny jeans. Well, that was just 2 or 3 years ago. I can't remember why exactly I did, but I disliked them. I used to like baggy clothes alot better, especially baggy pants. I think it had something to do with my image. I didn't really care very much for it, so I just bought whatever and threw on whatever clothes I could find. After high school started, I started to care more and more about image. I realized that wearing better fitting clothing made me feel better about myself. After about sophomore year or so, I haven't liked wearing baggy clothes. Mind you, I don't like the tight-fitting jeans and shirts that some girls wear. You shouldn't wear clothes that look like they'll pop any second because you're too big for them. Not in my opinion, at least. But I feel that if you care somewhat about your appearance, you should have clothes that fit.

These jeans may be seen once again through the feminist lense. A radical feminist may feel like girls who wear skinny jeans show off too much. Although this may be true for some girls, slim-fit clothing doesn't do that for everyone. If a girl wears the right size clothes, not to big and not too small, she gives an impression that she cares about herself. This may apply to males also, but girls tend to care more about their appearance. I feel a bit more confident wearing them, because I feel like they fit my body better. In ten or twenty years, however, I can imagine skinny jeans being a fashion disaster. Our society makes fun of those who wear bell-bottoms, which were quite popular in the 70's. However, fashion is a cycle and bell bottoms are beginning to be "in." Maybe skinny jeans will be "out" soon and become "in" again in a certain amount of years. I'm not sure when I'll give up wearing skinny jeans, but for now, I feel they are the most comfortable.

Pencils...

Yeah, everyone carries pencils. I mean, we go to school and all. We kinda need them. But not too many people carry pencils the way I do. I have my trusty mechanical pencil that I can't live without. I use it for both writing and drawing. I get upset if I can't use a mechanical pencil when I want to write something. I hardly use a wooden pencil for writing anymore. If I have a number 2 HB wooden pencil, I'm probably using it to draw. Although I draw sharp lines with my mechanical pencil, I prefer to sketch with wooden pencils. They leave a better foundation that I can then use when drawing the sharp lines with a mechanical pencil. Wooden pencils are also great for shading, since they have soft tips that leave good textures for blending. A charcoal pencil is, however, better for shading. I have one of those too. I'm not really into coloring, but I have a couple of color pencils just in case too. I lose many of my pencils, or give them to people who never return them all the time. This upsets me.

An artist who sees my wide range of pencils would recognize why I have so many and what their uses would be. I would not consider myself an artist because I do not have a real passion for it, I only like it as a hobby. However, an artist can probably see this because a true artist prefers wooden pencils of different hardness and color rather than simple number 2 HB pencils. If an archaeologist found these pencils, he or she would not be able to interpret these as well as an artist. S/he would probably just decide that I am a pencil artist and leave it at that. S/he would be more interested in the fact that I have these different kinds of pencils and see that I can afford them, signifying that I lived in a first-world country.

Sneakers

People these days seem obsessed with shoes, which I can't understand because shoes belong on the ground and stay that way for the entire day. They buy $100 shoes for no reason but to show them off. Me, I would never buy shoes for more than $30. Maybe if I really liked them, I would get $50 shoes. But a $100 or more? Never. What's wrong with plain old sneakers? They're comfortable, affordable, and look great anyway. I could never understand why some guys like to buy specific Micheal Jordan shoes.

I also don't understand the appeal of high-heels. Those just kill my feet and often trip me over. Those are "professional" shoes, but I can't see myself wearing those during an interview or anything. Actually, I even wonder what I would wear as professional shoes, since I only love sneakers. I guess I would eventually have to live with loafers or something. My hate for heels and sandals could, again, be seen through a feminist lens. Wearing heels can be a sign of femininity, as those are usually worn with dresses and other girly clothing. If somehow, these sneakers were interpreted by someone from 200 years ago, he or she would probably conclude that I am, indeed just rejecting my female self. However, by rejecting this footwear, I'm not trying to be less feminine. I just think sneakers are much more comfortable. That's all to it. Oh, and they look cool.

My baby--I mean PSP.

Unlike most people, I do not have an iPod. I would rather keep my music, video, and even pictures on my PSP. More than that, I also love playstation video games. With my PSP, I can play them on the go. The graphics look much better than on the Nintendo DS, which is a plus for me. However, people often ask if my PSP is my brother's or something. Why? Because people aren't likely to believe that girls play video games. Just because I'm a girl, they don't think the PSP would be mine when if fact, this is the only thing that belongs to me. I bought it myself with money that I earned through a tutoring job. It's my baby. That's why I'm almost offended when people ask who's it is. It's obviously mine.

I guess this could be seen through a feminist lense because in the past few years, girls have been getting more and more into activities that were once male-dominated, such as sports and video games. By even being seen with a PSP, it shows that I'm not interested in things like make-up and clothes as much as I am in video games. Boys find more respect in girls who have the same interests as them, so they feel like they're on the same page.